In a study reported on CBS News, 15% of Americans with internet access have visited an internet dating site. 27% of them were 18-29 years old. Obviously online dating is a popular pastime. The same study showed that 33% of unmarried internet users thought that dating online was a safe way to meet people although 34% acknowledged knowing someone who had a bad experience.
In another study reported by BBC News, online dating was seen as a way for women to feel empowered in relationships. The conventional inhibitions that they had in face-to-face relationships were replaced by a more upfront and in-control attitude when given the anonymity of the internet. Could this improve their chances at finding a perfect relationship?
Professor Helen Petrie was quoted in the BBC interview as stating “There are people who lack interpersonal social skills and would find it very difficult to meet people in bars. They may find it easy to meet in an internet room, but they still have the problem of meeting them face to face and if they have gone too far with the internet relationship, they may find that traumatic.”
The truth is, many individuals find the anonymity of online romance encourages a certain amount of exaggeration or lying. While some claim that we always hide things at the beginning of a relationship, trying to put our best foot forward, the internet makes it easier to hide such things as facial expressions, income, marital status and even criminal records.
Finding a romance relationship in the ‘real’ world is difficult - if you are still considering online dating it is wise to use caution and common sense. Be careful what you say about yourself and try to verify as much information as possible before meeting or personally contacting anyone you’ve met online and never meet them alone.
Online dating success is more likely when you have polished practical communication skills. There is no single solution for effective online conversation with another person. In the article that follows, I’ve listed some important points to get you started. And of course the more points you follow, the more you will succeed at internet dating.
Let’s start with your own profile on an internet dating website (most dating websites require that you set up a ‘profile’ about yourself, to display to others who are searching for someone). What you’ve written in your profile’s self-description is very important.
You may start a great online conversation with someone you like, but if they look at your profile and see a clumsy presentation (like thousands other profiles), I guarantee the conversation will not last long!
A poorly-written profile gives the impression that you’re not serious about dating. And remember, you profile doesn’t have to be 100% honest. There is a difference between being honest and being careful about the information you present. Be honest about your best personal qualities, but not about personal details such as telephone number, address, workplace and so on. Share that private information with your online friend later, when you trust them more.
There are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ dating website profiles. But there are ‘effective’ and ‘ineffective’ ones! If you are on a dating site and about to write your own profile, work hard to create one of the effective ones. Actual writing time will be the same, whatever profile you write (effective or ineffective).
A few extra minutes can therefore make a world of difference. Your description should be a pleasing combination of funny and unique. Humor nearly always attracts someone’s attention, and the more you can describe your unique character, the better. And the profile should not be too long, or too short. For example, don’t write ‘I love expensive cars’ but ‘I’m interested in Ferraris and Porsches’. Being more specific about interests and hobbies will invite further discussion from people viewing your profile). It’s a good idea to create your profile in a word processor first, and use that software’s ’spell check’ feature. People expect to read well-written descriptions with good English and correct spelling.
Think about your profile’s title. The title is the part of your profile that people first see when searching a dating website. A bad title might be: ‘horny stud is looking for a sexy chick’. A catchy title: ‘Skydiving accountant looking for a down-to-earth business lady’.
Contact someone whose profile has no picture or/and description - don’t underestimate this. You have far less competition when communicating with people who have blank profiles. People with complete profiles get lots of messages, so consider contacting people without pictures or a complete profile.
Profiles with picture and a description - these require a different strategy and approach. You will need more patience and persistence, because you are competing with many other messages for this person’s attention. Be smart and use the information from the other person’s profile as your starting point for a message to them. It could be their new mobile phone or music album, or even a favorite holiday location or restaurant that you are also familiar with.
It’s also a good idea to ask intelligent questions that avoid a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ reply. Try to make the other person express their opinion on a topic. Instead of asking something like: “Do you like ABCD band?” try this: “What do you think about ABCD’s last hit?” Use jokes appropriately. Avoid saying something funny/offensive about well-know people, unless you are 100% sure the other person has a similar view. Be creative and add some funny sentences to your messages. This will keep your online friend attracted to you, and they will want to continue the conversation.
Don’t wait for other people to contact you. Make an effort to start a conversation with someone whose profile caught your eye. Be determined to achieve your goal. Start by making a realistic plan, perhaps breaking it into measurable steps first. Approach online dating with a positive attitude.
Write individualized messages to people you contact. Don’t send impersonal, generic or ready-made messages. People spot these right away, usually by the way text mis-aligns in your message (text that has been copied and pasted has different alignment). Or by content that might not be relevant to their profile details.
Write a few sentences in your messages. People receive lots of short messages, and they won’t be impressed if you send yet another one. Avoid writing long messages. It can annoy people as much as short one. It’s a mistake to write a long message containing everything you want to say. An overly long or self-indulgent message will often not receive a reply.
Show the person you chatting with that you care about them. It will put you in a better position than other candidates. Do this by being empathetic, and interested in their life. Contact one person at a time. If you’re more prepared, you’re more likely to receive a reply, which could lead to a ongoing conversation online. Always have your best photos displayed in your profile. Update them regularly.
One full-length photo is also a good idea. It’s a bonus if you’re smiling in the photos! Having photos online will considerably increase traffic and therefore your chances of meeting someone. People often reluctant to contact someone without a photo.
Be prepared to follow-up on every message you send. If the person you’re contacting hasn’t replied in a few days, write another message, and keep it friendly. Don’t keep sending further messages if you don’t receive a reply to your second message. Some people will only send a reply IF they are interested in you.
The last and one of the most important tip is never give up. This is easier said than done! Remember that persistence brings success - there are no shortcuts. Keep in mind that online dating does work - many people have met their marriage partner from dating websites.
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